Not Scared of Cancer

I'm not scared of cancer because I look at you carrying your bones, exhausted, nobody wants to truly live forever.When I feel sad it is okay cause sometimes I just love the feeling, a sweet sweep of melancholy that leavens the spirit in a way... I suppose with more introspection would suffice. Not always one to watch the cumulus puffs move lethargically across the hot Idaho sky just tell me how to correct decisions made and readdress all the missed opportunities. Living double lives in day dreams telling Candace I was careless and too nervous. That when I stopped being your co-worker darling I just laid in bed and played gameboy and listened to Rainer Maria over and over again... No no no I don't dwell on the past oh why would I? That's such sweet escape and at times such heartbreak when every thing had an answer and it was all so over dramatic only facing the barrel could make me feel desperate these days and I accept set backs and I get angry but I'm learning it doesn't amount to much. Not the cliche oh I look forward to getting older sometimes for reasons I couldn't really say but I really look forward to seeing you happy even if it is from a distance like pushing shopping carts selling your contract and moving out of town forever and I was so over dramatic but who isn't at 18? I've accepted being called a bitch we move beyond the binary and become circle eights circulating and articulating all the while speculating about a future that could actually be pretty cool or pretty awful.