Wednesday, March 29, 2017
New Pony Tail Parade
Oh Ish or whatever they call you please know I didn't really know what to say to you or how to keep my friends from judging you by how you seemingly reflected my infantilism though we bear the same age and perhaps the same scars I, the fake sitting in the back seat almost felt something real for a moment... days spent pretending I got tired so I spent the next two years alone to figure out who I am but shit who really has? Just a dead letter sent back to my sender oh I guess to myself I figured it out but you pull up the old versions the defects stand out but true to the form I'm always me no matter when it was or when it shall be... crippled by flaws shared by millions but dying to prove I'm somehow more tragic, such wasted potential. Shall we ever see? I let opportunities wave on by I'm tired of standing still but when I get up to move my fucking stomach churns and aches sent to the ground with the heartburn and nervousness... Christ I'm a wreck. Sitting in silence I'm not taking you home but the broken glass and dirty needles maybe I was fine staying in and thinking about dying alone instead of wasting blood with you... wasting blood with anyone really... I was born with the hesitation of a man who knows he is facing a most certain doom, should have barricaded the womb should have boarded up and fixed the leaks should have lived inside forever never to be disturbed I was still born but would have been a finer stillborn (whew, the fucking word play!), if only, ah too soon! Shot down! Send the remains around the town, like, guts on display, a grotesque and disgusting parade of my insides, my blood, my shit... On a platter why don't you all just feast on it, consume consume I have no bitterness I just want to give and be put to good use, used like I was when I was drawing breath so apropos that I'm used while I'm better off in the ground.
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